Tuesday, May 13, 2008


It's been pretty boring at work. I mean, I have been busy as hell but nothing has happened to report on.

The usual yapping, the usual...well yapping.

These ladies talk a lot, I mean a lot. They ask me all the time if they drive me nuts. The answer? Well of course they do. I can tune them out but, with someone like Fern, you do not tune her out, it's just impossible.

The black hole's wife had a child the other day. Cheryl asked if Nancy was going to have the company send flowers. Now, I do not think it's Nancy's job to be the official "send flowers" person but, with what Cheryl said next I overlooked that. After asking and getting a luke-warm response she countered with:

"Nancy only does things like that when the person is important to her."

As you may have guessed, that made my day. Sure it's not Nancy's job or duty to arrange all that crap but still, it was classic. Is Cheryl right? I think to a certain extent she is.

The bad part about all this is that this is the extent of the infighting. I wish there was more, you wish there was more. There just is not.

Tomorrow I will try and stir something up and get some better stories!!!

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

The Black Hole

I work fast, I work very fast. I do not waste time, when I am working each action I make is a movement of progress to finish what I am working on.

I am one extreme but, there is a flip side to that coin.

The black hole.

If he heads into your office you know he is staying put for a solid hour. No matter what the situation, no matter how simple or complicated, the ensuing discussion will last no less than an hour.

We have a black hole at work, I think all offices have at least one. I once spent twenty minutes trying to explain something to him that was so simple, so basic yet, it was no getting through to him while he went through his thought process.

I do understand the idea that thinking through things to get the best possible solution is ideal for all involved. I just feel that if we figure out that 1+1=2 we do not need to break out oranges or an abacus to quadruple check the answer.

Now, do not get me wrong, black holes are not dumb or stupid, they are usually pretty smart. They just are not quick at becoming comfortable with the issues at hand.

It has come to the point where it pains me to deal with our black hole, it's a bad situation since he is semi-higher up in the company and we work in the same area. I just hope the pain in my face is not evident when he swings by my cubicle.

Thursday, May 1, 2008


So, yesterday, my boss had to go home early because her stomach was bothering her. Today, she's back and feeling better. But, if that was all that happened there would not be a blog posting, would there?

I am sitting at my desk, working, I swear, when Fern pops into my boss's office, which is right across from me. Now, remember, we are at work, we are not at home, there are certain things I really do not care to hear from people that are not in my immediate family. But, without a care in the world, Fern lets out with this story:

Fern: You feeling better?

Boss: Yes, thank you

Fern: I remember this one time I had diarrhea and I was driving home and my leg started to go numb...I finally made it home and to make a long story short...

If I was to ever say anything like that to anyone, much less someone I work with, I would die.

Now, you could say that maybe that are close friends and I would say no, they are not, my boss just started four months ago.

Not only is Fern telling this to a someone that is not a close friend or relative, she's telling this in a manner that people in the general vicinity can hear!!!

The sad/annoying/gross thing about this is that it is not all that uncommon to hear stories like this. I am just telling the one I remember but will hopefully block out.


Monday, April 28, 2008


Since when has copying half of the western hemisphere on e-mails become acceptable business etiquette?

If there is one thing, well several things that annoy me, copying other people on an e-mail directed towards me is it.

For instance:

To: Accountant

CC: Your boss

From: Helga

Subject: Discount Rate

Could you please change the discount rate for customer XX?

Thank you,

Look, Helga, if I do not do as you request on the first try, feel free to copy my boss but, until I screw up, ask me like I am a professional, not a baby.

Then you get these back and forth emails that could be handled between two people but since the e-mails started out copying 398209820938 people the two people talking keep "replying to all".

Cut it out, I do not care, handle your stuff and keep me out of it.

If that happens to me and I am one of the two people actually involved in the discussion I will not reply to all but, all of a sudden on the reply, everyone is copied again.

I like to develop relationships with people, I like to be able to trust people. I like to be able to understand that if someone makes a mistake it is okay and they can correct it without involving their boss.

I deal with several people and I catch mistakes. I e-mail them, copying: no one, and have them fix the problem. That's how things should work. I know people appreciate that and I appreciate that when I make a mistake.

For the love of god stop copying!!!

That means you, Helga.

Saturday, April 26, 2008


Why does lunch bring out the inner busy body in each and every one of us. Well okay, by us I mean women.

Every day one of my co-workers, Fern, will go up the hallway and ask everyone what they are doing for lunch. Well everyone but me since she might sense I might break out a shank if she asks me.

"Are you going out?"

"Did you bring?"

Every day, without fail.

Now, I am the only male except for one of the executives in my part of the floor and I really do not want to make this a male vs. female issue but, it can not be ignored.

It is like a sewing circle, everybody has to know what the other person is doing.

Nancy will ask me all the time what I do for lunch and what I bring. I, just to be a stinker, will not tell her. Since I do not heat up anything in the microwave she has narrowed it down to sandwiches but, she always guesses tuna or turkey like those are the only two options.

For a while she would wonder where I went but somehow she found out I used to go nap in my car. That's right, she went and found out. I could not believe it, either.

I am convinced she is going to go in the frig one day and open up everyone's lunch to see what I bring. She is going to be totally let down with PB&J on wheat.

Would a dude even remotely care? The one time a guy got curious about my lunch activities was about thirteen years ago and it was in a bathroom at work. Needless to say I did not tell him what I did, either.

Well I guess it is okay that everyone is social and that everyone is friendly and wants to hang out during lunch. At least when they go out they do not take two hours. Oh, wait...

That is a whole other entry.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Birthday Lunches

This issue came up today. As I sat there listening two things popped into my head:

1. This will postpone my original subject I would be blogging about.

2. Where do I begin and how do I articulate what a mess this is.

I guess I am going to start at the beginning and plow through.

My department has this tradition of taking people out to lunch on their birthday. It is a fine tradition except that it has become a Rocky V size debacle.

From when I started last year up until my birthday everyone was taken out and no problems occured.

Then my birthday happened. We were going to go one Monday during the following week but, the head lunch hen, Nancy, was not going to be in the office and there was no way in Detroit it was going to happen if she was not there.

Well, the rest of the week was out due to other issues with other people including myself. Well ok, to be honest I did not care much and it did not happen. I still continue to sleep soundly at night.

Well, Cheryl had her birthday a couple of weeks ago and still no lunch. One day as she was walking by I said:

"When are we going out for your lunch, how come we haven't gone yet?"

"If it was Nancy's birthday we would have gone last week."

"I guess you are not high on the pecking order."

I was just having a touch of fun but, this did open up a can of worms that I did not realize existed but was delighted to find out about.

Cheryl agreed with me whole hearted and I am not quite sure she knew I was joking.

So today, as far as I knew lunch was scheduled for this Friday but, it was canceled since Cheryl was not going to be in the office. Not a big deal since it was her who was not going to be around.

Not a big deal until I heard this exchange between Cheryl and Marcela:

C: Only certain people she (Nancy) sweats the lunches with.

M: (silence)

C: It's ok, I do not care.

M: mumbling...

C: I appreciate it but it's ok

Good lord, such drama over a celebration.

I have a plan to save the birthday lunch and plan to implement it. Here goes:

1. Have one lunch a month for anyone who's birthday falls in that month.

2. Announce the date at the beginning of the month so everyone will have ample time to find excuses not to go.

3. If someone is going to be out of the office on that date, oh well.

There, that is it. Simple. Everybody wins.

Happy Birthday!!!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

The Lunch Room

And you thought the bathroom was bad...

The smells that emanate from this foul room...

There are two smells that I associate with the lunch room: fish and broccoli.

Why someone would bring leftover fish and heat it up in the microwave in front of ten other people is beyond me.

I bring peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch. I run in the lunch room, get my lunch and run out without breathing. It should be an Olympic event.

I drink water all day so I keep one bottle at my desk and one bottle in the freezer. Well, for a while the water was tasting awful, I mean, just awful. I got new bottles, I changed the source were I got the water from. Nothing.

One day, they cleaned out the refrigerator, the next day, amazingly enough, the water tasted just fine. What does that mean? Well, it means that the old, nasty stuff in the frig was causing the air that was circulating in the freezer to marinate my water with it's vile odors.

Grown people, people with jobs that require responsibility are in the end, pigs.

I do not leave Lean Cuisine in the freezer for six months or that carton of blueberry yogurt sitting there for the duration of the presidential primaries. I leave my stuff there in the morning and it's gone by noon.

The good thing is that the company is having the cleaning dude clear out the frig every night now. If you leave something in there it is gone in the morning. Thank god and Joe Pesci for small miracles.

Now only if they would get rid of the microwave...

Bon appetit!!!